omg.... I'm so full of crap.... err i mean crab....

aaaah.... just got back from my dinner.... went to eat crab today.... NOT crap... its this....



haha.... anyway.... for those who still don't know what that is.... its a CRAB.... and did you know? there are crab served in cans too?....



and this is crab too....



i did not say anything wrong.... this is called a crab nebula.... something found in space O_o

imagine.... me eating near 1kg of crab by myself.... okay now you got what I'm feeling right now.... aaah feels so crab-like....

anyway.... today.... this morning.... Guitar came in and said.... blah blah blah.... whatever.... but anyway what she meant was that today's class is a free class.... so many people decided.... hey I'm skipping the next class.... and voila.... during the next lesson.... almost the WHOLE class went to FTZ.... which is a cybercafe in Asia Cafe.... and it was like O_O!.... so anyway.... leaving the few of us here.... Shem and Rohit decided to play a acting game.... i forgot what it was called but anyway.... you'll be given the name of the something the other teams want you to act out.... and your team will have to know what you're trying to act.... so today we played on English movies.... and I was chosen first from the boys side.... so okay.... I got my topic.... Starsky and Hutch.... and i was like.... OKAY!?.... this is a comedy show.... but how to show it?.... and i puzzled a while there.... and decided bah... lets just try letting them guess the word....

guess what.... I tried saying the 2nd syllabus was the sky.... the moment i pointed upwards.... Rohit guessed sky.... and yay~!!!... okay then i tried conveying the word star across.... and i was like... eh.... how ar?.... so i simply blink hands like the stars and woots.... job done =D....

then we moved on and moved on.... most of us didn't manage to guess the movie.... but one outstanding one was Michelle's guessing.... omg man.... The League of Extraordinary Men.... and the only word they knew was the word The at the start.... and she guessed it!!!! OMG?.... what logic.... =.=.... damn cool.... then came Shem's turn... and his topic was GIA.... erm no idea what movie is that but anyway.... he starting pointing at Michelle and trying conveying the word G-string for the first letter G.... but it really was confusing lol.... how is Michelle related to G? O_O!?.... anyway... Rohit, the experienced one... got completely caught by surprise when he got the movie DejaVu.... and he was like OMG? how to convey this across?.... you should've seen Rohit's face... LOL.... anyway.... seems Michelle was damn pro at this O_o.... she conveyed the message over so clearly omg.... like a real pro.... she must've played this game before O_o.... but in the end her team couldn't guess it.... oh well.... another highlight was Syitah's turn.... her 4th word in the movie was gigolo.... and to act that.... she pointed at ROHIT.... LOL we laughed like crap.... not crab.... CRAP!....

anyway.... Pn.Mahani is SOOoooooo lively today.... and paired up with the few of us in our class.... gosh it was a damn funny class.... LOL man.... hope this goes on always =D

bah.... anyway.... tomorrow I'm supposed to go watch the movie Forbidden Kingdom.... since Sooooooo many people said it was damn good.... some said it was a must watch.... but bah.... probably can't go anymore.... oh well.... so maybe this coming weekend.... oh man... hopefully the movie is still showing by then.... bah.... how outdated i am =.=....

omfg...... so it was true after all.....

omfg man i tell you.... omfg.... today.... it all started well.... i passed the driving part 2.... yay.... slope.... parking and 3 point turn.... no prob :D

then it came.... Teck Wei's advice of no rasuah = fail.... and Felix's advice of pau = pass.... no pau = fail.... i didn't believe it.... until....

so after i finished my part 2.... i was waiting for part 3.... something that should've been done by 2 pm.... but today.... it went on till 6pm.... there were supposed to be 13 examiners.... but ended up.... 7 were on leave.... leaving 6 to work.... so the examiners were all.... omg i nak balik.... omg finally habis.... sudah boleh balik.... kind of attitude....

so i waited and waited since 1pm.... sat there.... doing REALLY nothing.... until it was 6pm omg man.... i really don't know how i did it.... then i realised.... somehow.... i was the final one to take the test.... okay.... then it happened....

first of all.... so many people were asking me.... wei.... why you no rasuah.... later you fail la.... though not all examiner like this.... but some of them.... no give = fail.... and i was like.... never mind one.... i can do it.... damn la.... now i really regret....

so i was the final one.... i said my greetings to him.... and he ignored me.... well.... okay.... since i was used to being ignored anyway.... so i did my usual stuff.... damn prepared.... and it was all good.... so i started off.... then he started going.... hey jalan cepat la.... and i thought.... okay this is normal.... THEN!!!! i reached the first roundabout.... i looked to my right.... i saw ONLY 1 car.... and he signaled that he was going to turn in to my side.... meaning if i go forward we won't meet.... so i decided.... okay it was clear.... lets go.... then.... my examiner.... suddenly pressed the brake in the middle of the roundabout.... and the car stopped.... being obviously puzzled.... i asked him.... why stop?.... he said.... you mesti bagi priority kepada kenderaan dari sebelah kanan.... and i looked to my right.... WTF NO CAR AT ALL.... the earlier car already went off.... not even near my car.... and being completely in shock of the stupidity of the examiner.... okay.... since he said wait.... lets wait.... so i sat there with him.... waiting for a KENDERAAN to come.... which took some time.... then finally.... one motorcycle came and slowly maneuvered across where i was.... cause i was in the middle of the roundabout.... HE BRAKED FOR NO stupid reason..... okay.... then after the motor went off.... he said jalan.... and wtf i thought.... never mind.... i just wanna finish this stupid thing.... then.... since i wanted to turn to the 3 o clock side.... when i reached the 12 o clock side.... i signaled left.... since i was in the inner road.... and i saw a car coming out from the 9 o clock side.... quite far behind me.... and then!!! out of sudden.... my examiner went.... OIIIIII KERETA DATANG DARI KIRI!!! CEPAT!!! PUSING KANAN PUSING KANAN!!!!.... and i was like WTF?.... and decided.... this stupid fella ask me turn.... so i turn la.... then.... it happened.... i was already in the inner lane.... and he asked me to turn RIGHT!!!.... and bam my tyre TOUCHed the middle divider.... and he looked kinda like yay kind of look.... =.=.... and being in the inner side of the road.... he looked at me.... for some time.... and i was thinking.... hey.... YOU ASKED ME TO.... wtf?.... then.... when he was starring at me.... there were cars passing by using the roundabout.... and then.... suddenly.... he opened the door.... the the door swung right to the middle of the road and he walked out AT THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!!....and asked me to get down.... and i was like.... WTF?.... who's the one being dangerous NOW????....

i told all these to my driving instructor after that.... and he was like WTF?.... HOW CAN THAT EXAMINER DO THAT?.... and he got REALLY pissed.... and he said.... well.... i got that examiner.... really tough luck....

y'know.... now i truly understand.... that some examiners are really painting $$ on their faces.... just because i didn't want to play the easy way by giving the cash.... IS THIS WHAT I DESERVE?.... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

worse of all.... since as i mentioned earlier.... there were only 6 examiners and it was getting late.... coupled by the fact that i was chosen to go last for driving test.... wtf he really couldn't wait to go home.... WTF is wrong!?!?!?!?!?? okay honestly.... I'm so pissed now i'm willing to take Michelle's shotgun that day and shoot off that examiner's head....

damn crap la i tell you.... haih.... rasuah.... rasuah..... is it wrong to not embrace you?.... haih.... btw.... today i messaged a few people.... and erm.... Rohit's credit ran out.... Mich somehow became silent.... Shereena replied me wishing me good luck.... well thanks but i got a @#$$% examiner.... and my cousin was busy so he didn't reply.... and i sat there.... for 5 hours.... not being able to go anywhere.... not being able to do anything.... y'know the torture of the fact that you cannot do anything?.... haih.... i really should've tried talking to the others.... and i thought it wasn't needed.... haih....

btw.... today.... according to some.... Pn.Mahani's mood was good O_o.... well well.... nice.... her face and expressions when she's in good mood really enlightens the class.... really cool....

i also heard that the Physics paper was given back.... thats all =.=.... i know Jia Shen's results but thats all.... and i also heard Michelle got the highest?.... OMG 2nd subject.... sifu ar sifu.... heard it was 42/50 or something like that.... O_o.... sifu ar.... =.=....

and nothing much was heard.... i don't know.... these 2 happenings are all i get when i ask for today's happenings.... even worse.... sifu not even replying....

Jia Shen going for test tomorrow.... hope he does well.... actually the part which cannot be rasuah-ed i did perfectly well.... and the part that can.... they really kill me.... for no proper reason other than "THAT" and "THAT" =.=.... well at least the part that Jia Shen failed and is re-taking is un-rasuah-able.... so it all depends on luck and skill.... good luck man!...

aaaaahhhhhhh

errr....... okay for this post.... i wanna talk about Vincent first.... oh my gosh.... he was really studying SOOOO hardworking this morning!!!!!!!!.... really first time see..... really studying and understanding the questions and answers..... and asking questions whenever he didn't understand.... damn cool.... you know.... you should keep this up sometimes.... O_o....

Anyway.... i can't help but say.... OMG MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..... Sifu.... spec. math insanely superb.... as in.... INSANELY superb omg.... i just passed.... at 52 marks.... and i thought i failed O_o.... and Michelle got 74!!!!.... omg sifu.... =.=....

anyway.... today so many people skipped class.... zzzz.... damn no comment la.... haih.... guess what.... when Mr.Woon first came in.... there were only 4 of us there.... zzzz.... he was like WA? where's the whole class?.... then later Shem and Pavi came into class.... and Mr.Woon decided bah its getting really late.... lets just start class.... y'know.... when you really pay attention to what he's teaching.... you really can understand very well O_o..... damn.... i gotta blame myself for my marks.... omg sucks.... gotta learn from sifu.... always listen to Mr.Woon.... okay.... sifu lesson number 1.... listen to Mr.Woon teach.... gotta learn that....

well well.... guess what.... we were all like... huh???.... really so empty the class.... and I was like... HUH?.... sifu also ponteng?.... Mr.Woon also asked.... and guess what.... at about 15 minutes later.... whole gang came into class =.=.... y'know what?.... whole gang go cc play omg.... and waaaa....syitah and SIFU played too.... omg from what i heard.... seems sifu also sifu in cs.... scary.... 3v1 sifu kill all O_o.... Siew Yung on the other hand went back home to sleep.... and complained that since only the few of us were in class.... she shouldn't have woke up so early =.=....

anyway.... today.... i got called out for chem work.... and erm.... OMG.... i did the question my own way and got bombarded by Pn.Mahani.... aaah.... everything was correct but i didn't follow her format.... big cross =.=.... Sean thought i was wrong.... and tried doing it his way.... but ended up i was right.... O-o.... so i decided to redeem for my stupidity and corrected it =D.... sifu looked so happy today O_o.... wonder what happened.... or maybe its just sifu being sifu lol.... sifu so happy.... maybe i should join the fun O_o.... but how ar?.... O-o.... its like damn hard to talk to sifu haha....i sucks =P....

and erm... Brandon!!!! stop cabal-ing la!!!! you're killing yourself.... work not done.... slacking in stuffs.... don't be Felix number 2.... (Felix i hope you get my point too, don't let history repeat itself please...)

Btw, tomorrow is my driving final test!!!!..... aaaahhhhh scaring me now.... tomorrow I'll not be in class.... hope things go well O_o.... will be back on Wednesday so c ya all then....

my.... my.....

wow i tell you.... so many people went to watch movie yesterday.... aaaaaahhhhh.... okay this is outdated stuff lol......

and erm.... omg.... suddenly.... the c boxes in the few of us's blog are getting lively lol..... cool-ness..... especially erm.... mich's.... lol....

hmmm....anyway.... today after my weekly badminton game with my parents.... we went to Summit USJ..... and guess what..... there was a hip hop competition.... oh you should've seen the way they danced..... but then again.... it also was kinda disappointing.... I've seen a lot better.... well erm.... so much talk but i don't even know how to hip hop lol.... damn.... gotta go learn =/.... omg i can't imagine how i would be like doing so.... shit.....

and i DON'T HAVE A GF LA.... well..... erm..... if only i have.... oh well.... i guess.... i suck too badly after all haha.... have 0 skill in these kinda stuff O_o.... shit la.... =.=

and erm.... damn la.... you know i really enjoy singing.... i always give my full and all out when i do so.... and by myself.... I've been trying to raise the limit of my voice.... well you know... my voice IS kinda deep.... I've even been called as my grand uncle when i picked up the phone one day omg.... and OMG?.... recently.... my voice started losing its grip.... wth man.... I can hardly sing like how i used to anymore.... Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I need to start practicing again..... crap la....

EDIT: OMG LA........ my phone gone again...... noooooooooooooooooo

lets leave the past and move on......

hey hey.... past times.... are past time.... lets move on.... i hope things get better.... and if possible.... I'll make things better....

today i realised hey.... soooooo many people went to have fun today.... and O_o.... studying I was.... shit haha.... damn i need a life.... though it was fun going out for study groups :D....

seems the coming thursday is a holiday eh?.... O_o.... wonder what I'm gonna do on that day.... hmm....

Anyway.... tomorrow is Math CT2 and Tuesday will be my driving final test :D.... lets hope and pray that i pass :D

y'know.... sometimes not thinking about stuffs just for a moment really helps.... though just for the moment....

Its.......like having a sailboat in the middle of the sea..... waiting for the winds to move you..... but the wind never comes....

you know.... today.... we had a scholarship presenting ceremony sort of thing....okay you know what.... i don't wanna talk about it.... it kills.... not only because it was boring.... but.... haih....

ya know.... today I got scolded by Ms.Phua my physics lecturer.... because we were "late" by 5 minutes.... when all our watches and handphones showed we were 1-2 minutes before time.... =.=.... but i don't blame Ms.Phua.... she's following her clock.... thats understandable.... and she as a lecturer needs to clarify things and not just... oh okay you're late go sit.... thats wrong.... anyway.... I'll have to move in earlier into class next time.... sorry Ms.Phua....

okay.... y'know....I realised.... Michelle isn't getting quiet after all.... sorry.... anyway.... its just me i guess.... or maybe it's just to me.... oh well....and btw, Michelle wore a dress today.... smart formal for the ceremony O_o.... seems she really dislikes wearing dresses.... forced to.... well.... she really doesn't look bad at all in it.... indeed looks quite nice.... O_o....

y'know.... I realise.... that i really cannot talk much.... or rather.... can hardly even talk to the someone....I guess what happened really did affect how things were after all.... I'm afraid.... what I've dreaded the most has come to me.... does things always have to happen like this?.... or is it only happening to me.... I just wanted to share what i was thinking of.... and after all this.... things ended up like this.... to be avoided.... to be ignored.... to be invisible to the eye.... to be turned away from every time you get close.... and to be like nothing at all.... and not be taken notice of at all.... is this really going to be the result?.... is this what I'm going to get?.... is this going to be like this?.... is it really wrong for me to share what i was thinking?.... just because of that.... do i deserve to be like this?.... do I??? DO I???.... it feels as if.... you opened a door.... hoping to find light on the other end.... but.... you end up finding nothing on the other end.... and the door shuts and closes behind you.... and you're left there.... on the other end.... with nothing at all....

is this just going to be another case.... where what I've come to share with others is going to create that wall in between.... is this going to be another case.... where what I've come to share with others only causes the bridge between to collapse and can never be built back?.... is this.... going to be the reason....for the 2 islands just side to side to drift so far apart....will this eventually end up as a pit hole waiting at the end?....Its so difficult.... to even start picking up bricks to build that bridge back because the other side makes sure that your bricks keep cracking and breaking apart.... its so difficult.... as when you try to pull yourself out from the pit hole....the someone pushes you into it.... its so difficult.... as the islands get closer to each other again.... they break into smaller pieces and drift away.... some of them.... never to be seen.... never to be heard.... and will never come back....

i tried this.... i tried that.... but every time i do so.... it not only shuts the door I'm trying to open.... but the door behind me closes as well.... i know very well that sometimes.... things are better left untold and untouched....as it can be poisonous.... but yet.... if you don't touch it.... you're burnt instead....

i really hope something....someone....or anything....will see this and guide me through the dark cave I'm in.... i hope that somehow.... the wall can be broken down.... the bridges return and stand strong.... the 2 islands come back together again....and the pit hole that awaits closes.... and i hope all these happens.... before anything serious happens.... before the very cave i'm in.... collapses.....

aaaah crap pants....

Bah... what a pants i wore today....got said to look horrible with those.... aaahhhh....... bad idea bad idea..... =/

anyway....today Vincent didn't spike his hair!!! OMG!?.... okay he said he had no time =.=....

Okay.... it may just be me.... but Michelle has been a lot more quiet....is it stress?.... is it problem?...or is it just me?.... oh man.... I hope it wasn't because of the past 2 nights and yesterday.... really sorry.... please don't give me that attitude.... please don't....

hmm.... today i managed to find the proper answer for DI model B... YAY...... and i managed to answer the questions except the last one... awww i think i got that wrong...

physics CT was okay okay.... not too bad after all....after the test... we had 2 hours break... O_o! well well.... and i thought i could talk to someone about some stuff as it really broke off abruptly.... and I really really really don't want my worst fear to come true.... and then i realise that the someone isn't somewhere i can simply go to like AC or some shop....haih...

actually.....just talked to Ernest for a long time......and talking about the things we were talking about.... its really....... haih....... I can blame myself for everything.......but nothing will be cured.......

anyway thanks Ernest for hearing me out.... thoughts.....always thoughts.....we talked about the special someone..... and talked on many other stuffs..... how i wish this could be openly told to others.... and just to share all these thoughts....haih.... Michelle.... Michelle....

sometimes i wonder......why do i have this "feelings copying" thingy?...... why am i the one who has to bare all the thoughts and can't do a thing to clarify things?....haih.......

I guess its a phase as many said.... i guess I should give myself some time.... to think things out.... and..... hopefully.... one day.... something or someone.... will enlighten all these....

You know.... its really hard to tell what i wanna tell.... and every time i really do tell something to someone.... it always causes something else.... ever since I talked to someone.... it seems to have created an invisible boundary.... its getting really hard to wanna say anymore of what I'm thinking of.... i guess these thoughts will have to be my burden.....

honestly.... i hate being emo.... and i try my best to conceal it every time i go to college.... or meet others.... but you know.... its tough.... and every time i spill something.... someone distances away.... or something else i really don't want to happen happens....

Its like.... the someone don't really bother anymore.... don't really want to know you.... just the "okay i know you and thats enough" kind of thing.... when i was just telling what i really wanted to say.... its hurtful to have such a thing happening.... i guess its all about learning.... improving.... and after-school life huh..... many said its a phase.... fine.... but how long will I endure.... its difficult to determine....

just remember this.... I'm not emo.... i just want a place to tell what I'm feeling....or at least the part that can be shared....thats why I've written all these in my blog.... for the others.... lets just try to keep them in the vault.... locked deep inside my mind.... with the keys vanished.... yet sometimes.... i feel.... the locked door is coming apart....

Unavailable...... i see.........haih........

aaahh.... I'm really glad.... to have told dear someone what i wanted to tell.... finally it is over....

Michelle... thank you very much for clarifying things.... and helping me out too.... i now understand.... how things are and roughly what to do.... it has been an issue so tormenting that now that it is cleared.... i feel kinda relieved....

I truly hope that this will not be a distance builder.... but build and strengthen the friendship stronger than before.... Michelle.... no matter how many times i say thank you.....I'll need to say it again.... thank you.....

Worry not....I will still join ya guys in ya gang.... and still.... hopefully....would have spent and will spend enough time with the other gang too....this is something I'll try my best to accomplish....

I guess emo-ism is after all not my cup of tea..... I should start getting hold of myself and bring forth the new me that I'll develop....and this will hopefully bring back the good times and the bad times will die away.... it is time... for me to realize....its time.... for me to start anew...

Today... it is Jia Shen's birthday....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!..... I've kept those words till now.... keeping the best for the last.... just you watch.... tonight's dinner will be one hell of a dinner.... if i manage to break from the egg.... I'll try my best....

The happiness in my fellow S9 mates today shall be one I'll have to learn to enjoy.... and treasure.... Michelle's smile.... and laughter....how dear those were.... Vincent's huh i dunno who how where....yet amusing-ness.... Rohit's "in my underwear" theory....Ernest's ya hahaha method.... Jia Shen's crap blabbering.... and many more....

I guess I really am thinking too much after all.... I shall let the pieces fall into the puzzle.... and see hows things go.... my Special thanks to Michelle for helping me realize this....and credit to the rest of you too.... thank you guys.... I've really been stupid to be what i have been.... thank you.....really thank you....

Anyway.... lazy-ism is something I WILL combat and overcome.... tomorrow will be the Physics Common Test 2.... and I will not screw this up.... lets bring back the me.... many knew some time ago.... lets bring back the me.... that was joyful...that was someone you thought had long been gone.... that was almost never sick and tired.... that was always having fun....

Thank you........

Another day goes by...

how nervous i was... to finally have some time to just chat and talk to the someone... its just... i just somehow cannot much talk even when we meet... maybe it is the weird feeling thingy again... but anyway... i looked forward to it... and instead of being a jerk the last time... i decided to get on earlier this time... instead of having someone wait for me... I'll return by doing the other way round... but in the end... it didn't proceed.... seriously it is okay... there were some stuffs that even i consider dear to do and was inevitable... oh well... guess there will have to be a next time...hopefully...because i really don't know why... silence automatically come to me.... I just can't find proper words to say... why?... and why... haih...

later... Ernest called up... to check on how I was... yeah it all sounded cool on the phone... where he reminded me of someone when he kept saying Parker Parker...then later Vincent, Rohit and Cherly talked to me too in msn... and many concerns i previously had got momentarily pushed aside... and it felt a lot better....thanks guys....

Anyway... hopefully things get better as days go by...dreams... visions...hopes... these are what i hope come true...

Gotta do my homework now.... I don't want to give excuses of this and that every time i fail to do my work... I've come to start developing this attitude and this mustn't persist...I'll correct this... slowly... and hopefully steadily...I'll understand myself that much more and be able to know what's going on within me....

Stupidity to the maximum....

And why... am I... like this?.... This question flies through my head over and over again.... Why is it that I can't feel what I'm feeling?... Why is it that i can't control what I'm supposed to control?...hmm..... and why... am I... like this?

Its weird.... after years of experience... I realized that i can't feel what I'm feeling... I know it sounds stupid but its true... I will react to something when i feel something... and from there... i truly know what I'm feeling... why is it like this?... that question probably will never be answered... no idea why... and will never know why...

Funny part is... whenever someone feels something.... and I can feel this feeling... I literally feel the same on whatever he/she is feeling.... like a feeling copier.... again no idea why... but uncontrollable either....e.g. when someone is sad for real and i know it... I'll be involuntarily sad....If someone goes around like a happy person... and i know it... I'll somehow be happy too..... kinda weird... but through experience... it is true...however... this is also a major problem for me...

when someone is sad or feels down... I feel down too... and this obviously does not help the other person... its not that i want to be like this but i can't control it... if someone is down... especially someone I'm close to... I'll be down... cheering someone up is something I'll have to learn if I am to want to be someone's dear friend as well... its also the reason why... when someone smiles and is really happy whenever he/she talks... I somehow feel lifted and happy too...

This now brings me to the other part... where if I fail to experience the same feeling as the other person... the person is faking the feelings...some people pretend to be happy and go around but deep inside is either tired, problemated, or simply something is bothering the person... and normally i can feel that...problem is... even though i know about it... I know very well i can't share this with the others as it will be very inconsiderate of me to the person but yet I feel down too as a result.... what is this... simply out of my understandings....with this, I normally know when someone is troubled... or something is bothering them... yet... I myself am affected by it... and I fail to do anything special...this probably is the very reason why i always feel down.... because when others are down I'm down and i really fail to do anything helpful to the other person... what the hell is wrong with me...and what is the point of knowing someone's feelings and yet is powerless to do anything you want to do about it? it also happens when I want to talk to someone... yet it holds me back... I really can't and am unwilling to make another person feel like I'm disrupting them... I... just can't... will try to fix this to... as I've learnt... one can never satisfy everyone... as much as i try to do so... whenever needed to... sorry... but I have to do it....sorry...

This is something I'll have to learn to correct... to get myself back up when someone else is down.... and to help out whenever someone is troubled.... these are things I'll have to learn... give me some time... I'll do it...just have faith in me... if you guys have anything to comment on this... please tell me... I need an honest answer... as i just can't control myself.... haih...

Okay... lets leave that aside for now... and talk about the happenings... classes today were shortened by 15 minutes each... meaning overall classes end earlier... having such a tentative nature of feelings bring me to a standstill every time more than one person is involved... whenever i am in this situation.. my feelings get curled up... jumbled up... and spun around... an example would be like to choose between the 2 groups... after all this... I still ended up having to choose between 2 groups that are both very dear to me...problem is... when i move to one side... I get that feeling of confusion... what should i have done? what could i have done? what was the consequences of my actions?... and the answers were obvious.... What i have done is pulled my feelings from bad to worse... having to choose between the group I have been with all along and the group I wish to spend time with is deadly and it is deeply piercing the emotions...having not gone into a inescapable situation yet... I'm clueless... what should I have done? the 2 groups ended up going to AC together for the breakfast today....

Yet... it was the same grouping... Michelle will move with Ernest, Siew Yung, Masyitah, Rohit and gang... while the other will sit at the other end... okay fine... since many of you say its normal... I'll have no choice but to accept that... but... what about the very own me?... should I?.. or should I? or should I? I'm drawn into the pit of feelings and emotions which just cannot come together...having an incontrollable feelings system really doesn't help at all...in fact... it is the cause of the problem... I hope i can clarify this asap... I really don't know how long i can deal with this before all hell breaks loose... gah....

This something I've been wanting to say.... might be the end of it all... and might be the start of a new me... I don't know... will it be the right choice? will it eventually bring upon what i dreaded the most?... hopefully... just hopefully... and hopefully... things will run smooth... please do...please...(having to seal everything that is running through my mind is unimaginably tough.... and I find the easiest way to tell it is by writing it here... therefore... I sometimes utter things that makes completely no sense... but for me... it is what I feel.... and it is what i always fail to say to anyone... because i just can't bear to see that sadness and emotions run through anyone else.... let me take it... let me swallow it and keep it inside of me....when all hell breaks loose... hopefully... it won't be as disastrous as how I am thinking it would be... please...)

Sorry.....

Oh my gosh, i can't believe what I've done.... its like the worst thing I've ever done in my near 18 years of life.... how could I.... it was a set date and time.... and I missed it.... wtf is wrong with me....sorry.... really sorry.... I don't know how i can make it back up.... but please forgive me....sorry sorry sorry 10 thousand times....maybe it isn't enough...

(btw, for those who dunno what this is... don't ask =.=)
(cause i only wish to express and not discuss private matters in the public)

Get out!!!

poor Rohit and Vincent today got chased out of class on the FIRST class of the day.... oh man... okay lets explain a bit... Ms Guitar came into class as normal today... and started off the lesson quite smoothly... then people started talking... and it seems... she REALLY gets ANNOYED beyond description when someone talks... even for the slightest bit...so she asked the undergraduates to move places and so on to reduce the "noise"... but the most distinct one was..."Rohit and Vincent... why is it that you have to disturb my class? Why can't you people listen? How many times need i tell you not to talk? You're disturbing my class!.. Now... GET OUT... i don't want you in my class...".. you should've seen that reaction from Rohit especially... he was in complete shock.... okay how about i explain this a bit more detailed first....sure the class was slightly noisy and so on.... but oh man...seriously... which class will be dead silent?... i don't mean anything to offend anyone here... but anyway... okay i agree that it was their bad to want to talk in the first place but... come on man... Rohit JUST turned around... and said to Vincent like 3-4 words... WORDS!!.. and they got chased out... how shocked Rohit was... and he, in complete disbelieve, walked out.... Vincent on the other hand... was EXTREMELY pissed off... you can see from his expression and actions... gosh... how scary he was... then came the door part... you guys should already know about it... i do not wish to spoil Vincent's datuk kia way of life here....

So I went out trying to find Rohit and Vincent later... with a small group of us... i wanted to call him... but then i found out.. err WTF?... my handphone has 0 reception.... it has happened 2 days ago.. but i thought it was just a momentary thing...so Brandon and Ernest decided to call them... appears they went to a CC and met up with another friend... gosh Vincent was pissed... i was sure of that...

Anyway... today lots of stuff happened during break time... and its a long story... but at least i managed to spend my 2 hours with many people today..... how interesting it was for me to move everywhere....(okay i was sweating away but yeah... it was interesting to spend time with so many people but yet they don't meet meet each other... only i met most of them)...

Gah... my phone was dead... and i gave up hope on it... i know that it is the antenna problem... and i also know that it'll cost a lot and take a long time to repair... oh man.... i really don't know what to do... then my phone came back to life immediately AFTER i got into the car... on the way home... and i was like WHA?... what is this... and immediately i decided to talk to someone... which i didn't earlier...though I'll blame it on not much time... no excuses... i don't know how to pull out time to spend... that is on my part to learn...(oh yeah... i borrowed Ken's phone to call today cause my phone was dead =.=)

oh yesh... the trip is progressing i see... coolness... I'll never miss this one.... best of all... Rohit's birthday is within our trip days!!! Great!!!... Gonna be hell of a party for Rohit i believe... and Ernest and Vincent are planning to buy tequilla ,or whatever alcohol I'm not sure, there... and i dunno... will my alcohol free streak be broken? Only time will tell...

Bah... tomorrow will be a long 2.15 hours break waiting for Moral final test... oh well... I guess I'll spend time with my college mates again... lets go!!! tonight tonight will be the moment I'll treasure probably....and hopefully too....:D....

oh ya... the groups for the Diirected Investigation of the Math studies have been set... seems I'll be the leader of the group Me, Masyitah and Ken... lets go for it!... seems Ms Christine chose each group to be balanced... I do not wish to elaborate more... I'm afraid I unintentionally insult some.... don't get me wrong... i don't mean any such insult... just that after evaluating the teams i can see the balancing Ms Christine did... cool... how carefully she must've thought for this grouping to make sure they're balanced....

And erm... i knew that Vincent and Rohit were kind of "innocent" in the way... so I tried to help out in the explanation to Ms Christine... it appears after that she kept it cooler and just advised Rohit and Vincent to keep it down during Guitar's class.... oh well... 2nd Jia Shen case already... haih...

Ugghhh....so full....

Gah.... I've not been eating since the morning of the day.... i don't know... i woke up not wanting to eat... and went for a badminton game with cousins and parents.... after the game somehow i didn't want to eat either..... till just now.... where we went out to eat... and ate curry fish head O_o.... oh my gosh.... I'm so full now i can feed 7 cannibals till they cry.....

Anyway... lets keep this one simple and short... since so many of you are like...OMG its so long... OMG its such a long post... OMG its a novel... OMG its an essay..... okay so this time I'll share Ernest's drawings haha...(anyone knows how to show the pictures here?)

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/4485/shotvc7.jpg

http://img382.imageshack.us/my.php?image=fightwx3.jpg

http://img405.imageshack.us/my.php?image=emovn4.jpg

Okay anyway....seems Vincent and Michelle went for the special day today and had lots of fun =D.... happy for them.... but omg that Vincent =.=........................should've went to klang =P....

I don't wanna talk about some stuffs now..... maybe I should let time decide some things... bringing back some stuffs just don't help some times... let me get over the thoughts... then I'll continue on....

Anyway... gotta do my chemistry homework... or I'll die tomorrow.... O_o

Oh well....

Oh well........ days go on.... tests come by.... results come red.... life goes away....

Today, i really don't know why..... but the first half of the day was quite moody for me.... maybe i just couldn't get over what i thought about yesterday..... but i didn't want to show it.... so I answered almost everyone's call.... hopefully that I'll eventually subside my thoughts and proceed...... hell.... it didn't work.... people started asking me why this why that..... and some of them were like I'm not myself today.... oh well.... i guess it is still very hard to conceal emotions........ but honestly... i was down... knocked back by the instincts... struck down by the ideas.... pushed aside by the thoughts....i just cannot get my mind of it....

then.... the CT2 for chemistry was up.... and i consider myself fully prepared for it...... i stepped into the hall and went straight to finding a place to settle down..... i wanted a spot for me to be able to really settle down and re-evaluate everything.... so i decided to move to the back.... and.... even if there was a place to settle there.... it would've been really tough to empty my thoughts over there because _____ was near there.... so since i didn't have a place to sit anyway... I've decided to move all the way to the front.... where i found myself sitting at the front most seat.... soon after... the test started...

unknowingly later.... and it was all over.... it was not difficult... thankfully.... and when i came out... i felt different.... it felt as if the thoughts have finally subsided for real.... i really don't know how..... but i felt lifted.... and that feeling itself was great.... maybe... sometimes i should spend time with myself.... evaluating situations.... and give myself some time to break off from thoughts that depresses me.... it helped..... i managed to start talking even when ____ was nearby.......... i went for LAN class later.... and it felt a whole lot better.....

Okay.... let me talk more about Michelle in this post.... just some things or 2.... hope you don't mind..... and for the others.... don't get the wrong idea....(NOTE: only for the others) haha....

so..... many left the LAN lecture theater early... leaving a small group of us there.... they were.... Michelle, Ernest, Rohit, Siew Yung, Vincent, Sean and me...... Vincent was on a weird frenzy..... disturbing Siew Yung almost every 5 seconds..... how hilarious it was.... then Michelle came over and started whacking Vincent.... and Vincent was like why you hit me?....Mich said you're so go**amn annoying.... and started whacking Vincent many times....Vincent was like... i didn't disturb you also... and Michelle said Siew Yung is my friend... then Ernest went over and blocked Michelle from whacking Vincent and she was like what are you doing? and Ernest said... Vincent is my friend.... haha... it was seriously hilarious.... you should've seen the drama....so since it was still early.... we decided to go to AC to spend the rest of the time.... where later Rohit voiced for us to go to the cafeteria... and we went.... guess what... some weird thing was happening in the cafeteria today... there was mixed rice and many people lining up for it... and Michelle and gang decided to go to AC..... so we walked out.... and Ernest starting asking me about some place and I identified it as a place from Terengganu but he denied it... so we decided to ask Michelle who was right behind us....

And yep Michelle said it was in Terengganu.... then Ernest starting talking about something off.... you don't wanna know what that was.....so we walked right up to the gate... when Michelle said.... why not go straight to class.... and we were like wa?... and she proposed that we sit outside the class to wait... so we walked all the way back... and guess what... the class was empty all these while.... =.=

then.... Rohit starting spinning on his fingers the drawer of the table.... and I thought it was really difficult..... but according to him... nah.... easy but heavy...then.... the moment arrived.....Michelle said something written on one of the table's drawers... and read it out loud... OMG i tell you.... if you didn't know she was reading it... you would've gone like MICHELLE??? OMG!!!!! WTF........ what was mentioned shall be a secret only the few of us know.... don't ask for it... =P....gosh I will remember that moment for a lifetime... haha.... seriously was hilarious.... since I don't really know much about Michelle.... that was a shock at first lol...... maybe i should get to know her better... and many others too.... damn... talking about this.....

Talking about this..... it has brought me to another standstill.... this has been something I've been thinking of quite some time ago and wish to ask your opinions.... you see... even though we're called the S9 class.... there is a VERY obvious grouping in the class.... although we do sit in the same room and sometimes when wanting to ask for request for something we do consult the person..... there was never an initiative to get to know each other deeply.... let me roughly tell the groups... first group would be the Michelle gang.... with members... Ernest, Rohit, Vincent, Siew Yung and Masyitah..... second group is the Jia Shen group... consisting of members.... Shereena, Teck Wei, Wei Ping, Audrey..... third group is the dunno who's group consisting of Felix, Wei Xiang, Chee Xun, Jimmy, Xeng Huei, Yong Shen, and Ken...... there is also the stand alones.... Shem, Pavi, Momo, Yuvy, Brandon (though mostly with Michelle gang)........ i really don't know.... why is there this boundary one has to cross to get to know another?....... why is it that these groups always separate and go their own ways whenever we have free time.... why is it so difficult to get to know someone just because you're not from the same gang?....I don't consider myself as a member of any gangs.... I was from Jia Shen's group.... and probably still is... but... it is not that i wanna detach but i really wish that these groups can get together....

Why is it that whenever i wanna get to know lets say Jia Shen group.... and then i am forced to forgo the others.... and when i try to get close to Michelle's gang.... i feel like I'm forgo-ing Jia Shen's group... and this is only and example of the 2 groups.... Why is it that to want something, you'll always have to forgo another?.... Why is it that every time I am with Michelle's gang I feel like i'm guilty for not joining Jia Shen's group? and why is it that every time i follow Jia Shen's group... i cannot get to know Michelle and gang better?....... why is there this boundary.... WHY?........why is it that to get to know Ernest better... I've lost the the get to know Teck Wei.... and why is it that when i'm trying to get to know Vincent.... I've lost the get to know Shereena.... and WHY... when i wanna get to know Michelle better... I've lost the get to know Jia Shen?....... Why?.....let me tell you honestly.... i really wish to get to know Michelle's gang better.... but at the same time... i do not want Jia Shen's group to feel like I'm betraying them.... but HOW?....... Why is there this restriction..... why is there this rule?.... Why is it so difficult to get close to Michelle and gang... why is it so difficult to do this... why is it so difficult to do that.....I really dunno what to do..... sometimes i feel....... and think of it this way.... when you gain something you'll lose something else.... but when you lose something.... you really don't gain anything back....i just don't understand.... it is wrong for me to get to know Michelle?.... is it wrong for me to get to know Ernest?.... is it wrong for me to still continue the friendship i have with Jia Shen at the same time?... Is it so difficult for me to continue what i am doing? Why.... Why..... WHY???..... damn this sh**.... what the hell is this.......

When we just started in college..... there wasn't this gang that group thingy..... there wasn't this I am here and you are there theory.... and we all didn't know much about each other.... fine... that was understandable.....but why.....getting to know others from my class is so difficult?.... why is it so difficult for others to open themselves to you?...... to express themselves and not feel like a stranger or someone just in college and in the same class........to share problems like true friends.... to discuss things that are dear to you.... to share whatever you know and whatever you want to do..... to know the other person better... to get to know the other person not only from the outside but from the inside.... to be someone important in another person's college life....every time i think of this.... it seriously brings upon my tears.... literally.... i just can't understand.... why is it that whenever i try to get close to Michelle.... there is some kind of prejudice... why is it that when i'm trying to get close to Vincent... there is a feeling of guilt... why is it that when i am spending time with Jia Shen or Shereena....i feel like i'm shutting myself down.... and really not being who i am?....... i dunno.... its just..... bah i really don't get it at all....

Maybe it is me.... maybe it was I who didn't take the initiative in the first place... maybe it was I who is the brat... or maybe... it is I who caused this...... maybe even.... is it because of me that this is all happening?..... Maybe i really should go like how i did in during the CT2.... maybe i should give some time to myself..... maybe i should give some time to others.... maybe if i didn't bother much it would've been better for others.....maybe.....the very reason why the groups don't get together is because I am in between....

Why is it that it is so simple for some people and so difficult for the others?.... Why is it that Michelle is always the one that things always revolve around?......... why is it that whenever someone else feels terrible i feel the same?...... why is it that we are not taking any sort of initiative to know one another? why is that Michelle is normally the one who gets around?.... questions... always questions..... that i try to answer every time and have never succeeded to.....

probably I'm deeply affected by the coming tests, assignments and others.... or maybe I'm thinking too much... or maybe I'm asking for too much.... i can't tell.... Michelle, offer me the advises you promised to give..... I think i'm in need of it...... everyone.... can someone answer me?...... Michelle? Rohit? Ernest? Vincent? Jia Shen? anyone?

Something more personal.... and i really dunno why..... tell... WHY!?!?!?

My previous posts are sien i know... sorry.... and it is getting worse and worse each time i update.... i really dunno why.... but i feel like i wanna express more but yet i feel restricted to do so.... so i end up filling the blog with recent happenings..... oh well...

Anyway... Michelle and gang proposed a trip to some Pulau for the coming holidays..... cool-ness.... finally a far away class outing.... can't wait for it... though there were some controversial on the budget =/.... We voted here and there.... and seems Ms Christine preferred Tioman over Redang... but she ended up not giving her own opinion and allowed the discussion to go on... =/... for me?... I've been to most of these places.... and Tioman, Redang or whatever is generally the same for me... yes there are some differences here and there.... but at last we will have roughly the same experience.... maybe certain islands have better corals... or some have better marine life... but hey.... we still got both!...

okay anyway.... if you ask me.... my personal choice would be Tioman.... why?... simply because i went there long long ago... and back then it was a very nice place..... then.... years later... the place became filthy and dirty because of tourism and lack of supervision... then again... just last year i went back there for a trip... and WOW..... they cleaned the whole place.... and the sea is literally crystal clear... well well..... lets just see....nevertheless... wherever it is that we end up going... it is fine for me.... just the trip with college friends itself will be more thrilling then the actual trip there.... seriously can't imagine what it'll be like when we get there..... =D

Anyway.... since i failed to achieve it and failed to spill it out personally.... let me say it here.... this morning.... i woke up... and the thought ran through me again..... hmm.....there and then i decided...... today......I'll try to prevent talking to someone.... just to test it out.... i really wanted to know....... and I was determined.... because many people have been talking about it and I've been denying it.... I don't really think it is true.... but the other side of me is still thinking.... is it really true?.... Am i acting out of my control?..... Weird-ness.....

It all went well initially... talking to Jia Shen and Rohit and Vincent and also others.... until it came to the class trip discussion thingy...... and I failed.... i wanted to voice my opinion and suggestions....i was deeply into this trip thingy and i really wanna be a part of it... oh well.... so i thought... gah... never mind then..... I'll try again.... and it all went pretty well later.... managed to conceal much of my personality... and kept mostly quiet.... still reacting to those who initiated it... but hardly on my part to initiate it....damn it was tough.... until the end of the day.... though extremely difficult...I pretty much did it.... and i was trying to evaluate the situation.... keeping stuffs to myself..... i managed to do so until the final moment....where somehow.... when someone walked away.... my mouth uttered... bye.... uncontrollably..... and that was it.... i failed.... i really don't know why and how and what... but..... it really puzzles me.... i think i should get to know someone better...... its just... somehow i couldn't do it... i did it last time... but now?.... what is this? maybe i'm emo-ing like last time.... or maybe exam pressure.... oh well....

Anyway..... thoughts aside.... many have told me that this blog is getting really sien.... and i took those words for real.... and i really wish to improve it...... Shereena requested for pictures to be placed.... this is to hopefully enlighten the blog a little.... but oh man... i really do not wish to get random pictures out of nowhere and place them in.... i want something more interesting... something people can relate to.... something people will recognize.... or simply something people will appreciate and relate.... maybe its time to get a camera.... i'll decide =/

Btw, today after Lan class.... Ken and Yong Shen got into some weird frenzy... jumping up and down the theatre's floor steps... which were far apart.... Jia Shen and I later joined in.... and i leaped once.... and erm...yes!!!! .... success..... (okay i really did put this into the blog omg)

Poor Ernest..... he's truthfully inviting me to join capoeira.... and one side of me says... hmm.... and the other is like omg noooooooo............ but.... i dunno.... its like... i wanna go but i don't wanna go..... sounds really stupid but thats the situation i'm in every time i'm being asked..... really sorry Ernest..... i'll consider it... but it'll take some time.... things are revolving around and i really can't seem to get things straight...

Anyway.... please don't ask me about my personal stuffs.... i just wish to express them and do not wish to discuss them... really sorry..... and erm... tomorrow will be our chemistry CT2....and i look forward to it.... was pretty much confident... until Pn.Mahani said.... it is FREAKING tough... and boom.... morale dropped beyond description.... oh man.... anyway.. i wish good luck to all those who are taking the test tomorrow.... remember this... you can do it... if and only if you say you can do it....

Emotions... and depression....

This is.... shit like............................................................. anyway... today Jia Shen skipped class (driving) guess what?... he passed his on the road test!!... and then failed his slope... omg....so he ended up being so pissed....and he "section removed"....wtf.... and erm... Felix skipped the first half of the day.... okay... thats about it....

Today.....haih..... i don't really have the mood to blog.... its just.... when it think of it... it makes me.... like..... haih.....i really dunno how to say it....

But for the sake of this blog.... let me just revitalize myself and quit thinking too much until i finish this blog for now..... sorry guys.... i just..... gah....

Okay let me begin.....Firstly... I've divided the paragraphs into smaller ones... since Shereena said it is annoying to read.... because of the very long paragraphs... haha... so I've changed it.... hope it is of better eye view for the rest too....

Now now.... firstly...today Wei Ping confirm eat wrong medicine..... damn weird.....maybe it is because Jia Shen isn't here =P.... hor..... nolar jk lol...

Hmm... today i reached college at 7.15 am.... and went straight for class.... there were only a few of us there.... Michelle, Ernest, Sean, Yuvy and me.... if i didn't remember wrongly..... it was like okay mostly..... we got in conversations and Sean also started asking me a question on chemistry CT... that was okay... then... Rohit came... and they starting talking.... so well well.... and time was about to run out soon after... so I think it was okay... and i moved my seat in between Michelle and Wei Ping... so then one by one started to enter class... and our first class English started.... then Guitar returned the mahjong papers with the letter back to the groups... and Rohit and I looked at each other... and both our faces clearly showed this one word "SHIT"..... so Rohit, Teck Wei and I were like... omg we shouldn't have thrown away our paper... and like... aaah.... what now.... Rohit tried to cover it up... but Guitar was persistent in asking for it... then we told Guitar that we "lost" our paper... and Guitar gave us a new piece... and lalala.... the rest is kinda sien... oh ya... Ernest at the first half of the day seemed kinda emo-ed.... i really worry for him... so many weird things he is going through now (or it is as far as i know)... and.... its really hard to help... sorry Ernest.... but thankfully he got a lot better later in the day.... ... okay.... crap... (okay I think I'm losing my grasp again.... let me revitalize myself again..... the thought is really killing my mood.... its so damn hard to ignore the damn thing...)(and erm... shit i forgot to split this paragraph... i'll do it for the rest)

Okay.... I think i can now finish the blog before losing it again.... so later after English 1st class... Rohit got into this spinning the book thingy.... and Michelle and Masyitah got like whoa.... and they both were like spinning book non stop during Spec Math class.... its like.... Az+B = P(z) and then boom some book fell... and then another part of the question and then woops.... and then Vincent got into the frenzy too and starting trying... but... Vincent was like doing it for fun... while Masyitah and Michelle were like trying to learn.... though somehow.... Michelle seemed to learn faster... not sure why though.... maybe thats what they call... silent yet deadly eh?... though Masyitah did quite well too.... actually i wanted to try it out too.... but that specific finger used.... for me... i can't use it to spin.... *nails* =.=.....and bah i had to forgo it....

then later.... Michelle brought back a childhood game i used to play with my cousins and sister very very long back.... gosh such memories it brought.... it is the game where... both players line their leg in a straight line.... and they start going scissors, paper stone thingy... and whoever who won... will retract back 1 step... and the opponent will have to bring the front feet forward to touch the opponents front feet... and everytime this goes on... the distance gets further and further... first, Michelle was playing with Masyitah just beside me.... and Michelle quickly lost the game... poor Michelle.... then Rohit came and played the game with Michelle... and Rohit was at his maximum stretching.... when suddenly he won the scissors paper stone thing... and he retracted back a whole big distance.... and Michelle had the look of..."oh shit".... then she tried.... and omg SHE DID IT....... but couldn't hold on to the position.... and i was like OMG?... that was FAR!!!.... then she spilled that she used to be able to do the split.... aww that would've been cool... too bad she can't do it these days... really wonder why... maybe she stopped practicing it and now the bones and muscles stiffened..... aww..... then Michelle starting talking a bit on some ball stuff... (okay you really don't wanna know about it)... actually it is nothing but... i do not wish to type it in the internet lol....

damn.... give me a moment... i need some time.... damn it... and i thought i could've finished the blog at one go...........................................okay... lets continue.... since Teck Wei, Wei Ping, Audrey, Shereena and I didn't have any specific place to go... and when i asked Michelle she said that they were going to Asia Cafe... we decided to join them... so we were walking walking in AC and then suddenly.... Michelle and gang went ahead and Wei Ping and the rest settled for another table... and I was like.... HUH?..... why suddenly the split?.... but i didn't ask....... don't ask why i didn't ask but i didn't ask why...until later... Michelle and Masyitah came walking towards us wanting to go order food... and I asked them why they went over there... and Masyitah said it was more cooling outside..... awww man.... then later... Michelle decided to move back and join us.... and okay that was cool....so i went ahead to order my own food.... and when i returned... i realized...... EH?.... why are we sitting on 2 tables? very near to each's table... but still a different table... O_o? but later when Ernest and Rohit came joining us.... then i roughly got why... oh well......... then later Ernest decided to join my table..... and we talked for a bit... and ate our food... then he went back to the other table... then Teck Wei moved over to the other table too... oh well.... shit i forgot to split again...

Okay... split...... later we walked back to college and Teck Wei and I went to the web..... we printed the practical test 7 thinking that it'll be used.... oh well... it wasn't used in the end... but anyway... we've printed it so it'll be of good use...so we were slightly late to class.... but nothing much was done or said..... then....Felix came into class!!!... with Wei Xiang and Chee Xun.... seems they ate Pizza Hut and got late.... haha... they even tapao-ed the food to class.... since they were rushing... then Ms.Phua took a look in the plastic bag they brought back which contained the pizza... and... bam.... Ms.Phua dropped the remaining piece of pizza Felix previously ate on the lecturer's table... and we were all like omg...

Vincent, Jimmy and Brandon later came into the class even later... and Ms.Phua was very interesting this period.... but damn shit... it was about this time that the thought came to me.... and it was like..... haih.....what the hell man..... i didn't even want to look to the back....

Oh ya... the 2nd half of the day... Michelle and Masyitah went isolating themselves.... i have no idea why... and Michelle had that sitting position again lol... i guess it has became more of a habit.... oh ya talking about this.... Michelle, Rohit and Masyitah took a piece of paper during class time and starting writing on it.... really puzzles me what it is that they're talking about... but i guess I'll never know anyway.... haih...

then this this that that and class was all over.... we were all walking out of the chemistry lab... and i talked to Ernest outside the lab... and after some time.... Ernest wanted to ask Rohit something... and he called... Rohit...... erm... Rohit.... Rohit?... but Rohit's mind was elsewhere... seeing this situation... i called loudly... Rohit!... and Rohit was like whoa? yes?... then only Ernest managed to talk to him.... or did they?... i forgot... then Michelle and gang came out of the lab... and Masyitah was like I'm going to capoeira today!!!.... and Rohit was talking to Michelle asking her to lend him her physics and chemistry notes i think.... and Ernest wanted to ask for something too... and he called... Michelle?... Michelle?... err Michelle... but Michelle was talking to Rohit and ignored him... and he turned over to me and was like... wth... why i am being ignored.... and i told him.... actually i am very used to being ignored.... it is just.... i dunno... maybe it is because of the way i carry myself... or i dunno.... but it happens.... so later when i was talking....... and Ernest wanted to say something to me... and he called... Khai Shien.... err... Khai Shien... and he was like OMG... you just told me that i wasn't really being ignored and you yourself ignore me... and i was like... WHAT!!?!?!?!?.... NOOOOO i didn't mean any such thing... because honestly and seriously.... i didn't HEAR HIM.... at all.....oh well.... what have i done?........ (EDIT: OMG i forgot to split again)

Then Michelle and Siew Yung went off.... skipping capoeira... and Masyitah and Rohit went to the Mac Center to photostat some stuff... there everyone left... not saying a word.... leaving Ernest and me... then Ernest and I walked towards Teck Wei and Wei Ping... which were the only 2 fella left there anyway... and Ernest and I talked to Teck Wei... later... Ernest, Teck Wei... and Wei Ping all left... leaving me alone there oh well... but soon later i went home....

talking about this....actually capoeira seemed and seems like a very interesting martial art indeed.... and I just don't know why... everytime the Capoeira gang invites me to join them... i just can't.... my mouth automatically utter words of rejection and declination.... and seriously... and i really dunno why... i feel guilty and awful everytime after that.... and still... i didn't join them....even Michelle has been ponteng-ing it lately.... and i dunno... it feels weird......

Anyway... this shall be the end of my blog for this afternoon.... I'll try to update it asap... i know this time it is kinda sien... please bear with me.... i'm really struggling to even write this out... sorry guys......its just... i'm afraid... if this goes on... I'll eventually loose.... my opportunity.... btw... please don't ask whats going on in my head.... i really don't wish to share it now.... maybe... just maybe.... I'll confide it to someone.... in time.... we'll know....

Tests and college...

Okay lets start with the chemistry report write-up... bah simple...lol... okay... now on to the CT2 for spec. math.... OMG!!!!!! WTH i blanked 3 questions!!!!!!......worse of all... i knew how to do them... NO TIME!!!!.... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.... okay i emo already.... don't kacau me....

okay emo time over.... now lets talk about class...today poor rohit got isolated alone on one side having a lone table and lone chair.... Michelle and gang left him out... so sad T_T.... so i've decided to "teman" him... but i somehow i suck in teman-ing him.... O_o.... until later when there was a verbal topic things went better lol..... then Jia Shen was talking to Felix and Teck Wei about some weird stuffs.... and he suddenly mentioned "some spot"... i was COMPLETELY clueless on what that was... and they all laughed at me =.=.... then i asked rohit... and he knew what it was but didn't want to share it.... then Jia Shen "helped" me to ask masyitah and masyitah went laughing too =.=.... then masyitah "helped" me to ask Michelle and Michelle was smiling way =.=... what is this.... then Vincent came and i asked him... he was like WHA?... that?........ errr..... then the group asked me to ask Ms.Phua and i was WHAT? (because it sounded like something "weird" according to all their expressions) and because of that.. Brandon and Ernest came over being curious... and the question spread to them... and they too knew what it was... and i was like... What is it!?!?!?..... but no one would explain.... then Michelle came into class again and explained roughly what it was... but i erm... couldn't really get what that meant... =/.... then Vincent became the tutor and started explaining the whole scenario like erm... detailedly... and Michelle shared something that no one else knew =.=.... okay anyway...... =.=

Then, Rohit found out that at the drawer of this table... it is clearly written.... Ernest is an As*h*le... and Rohit was like I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!! then he borrowed Ernest's camera and took a snapshot of it haha.... then Ms Guitar was teaching "happily" about some formal letter format.... and then suddenly Jia Shen called me... and i was like yesh? then he asked me to look at a few people behind the class... and i looked... and OMG!!!!..... almost all of them were doing other stuffs.... like reading comic book under the table.... most of them were reading magazines.... and erm... reading magazines.... lol...then Ms.Guitar asked us to write on a Mahjong paper a formal letter.... and gave each group a marker pen... and.... Rohit started writting on the side boards S9!! haha.... then came a happy face with it... Jia Shen then took the pen and continue-ed the drawing... =.=..... and guess what? because we seriously lacked time, we ended up writing only 1 sentence for the whole complain letter... and it was.... something like... I am an applicant for your boarding program and i am pleased to tell you that i am displeased because your management SUCKS!!!... and that was it... haha... (oh ya... forgot to mention.... Shem Danielle came back to class today =D!!... he looked soooo... erm....his beard... erm... is so.... beardy...)

Then, class was over.... and some people..... really took off SOOOOOoooo fast.... no chance for me to even see or realize it =.=...

Anyway, i went to a barber today.. and erm... i cut my hair omg.... aaah my hair!!!... aaaahh.... okay that was a lie =.=... i don't really care much about my hair... prefer it simple and neat =D (though it WAS untidy).....

Close call...

Whoa today.... SRT for chemistry was like SOOOOooo close to being late.... whoa waited and waited for friends... and bam i almost got late.... but luckily most of us wasn't late... phew phew.... really phew...

Btw, because i was giving the finishing touch to my SRT, i wasn't in time to go anywhere else to eat and decided to just eat my meal at the cafeteria..... and oh my gosh... that was the first time I was eating cafeteria's food!!!... 4 and the half months later i finally tried their food... and gosh... the sandwich was delicious =D interesting and simple.... just the way you'll like it... though kinda expensive... (RM2.20) but before i was eating... masyitah ordered Maggi mee in cup and the smell was unbearable haha... but i was "focused" on my work so I managed to withstand the temptation.... which later i went to buy sandwich and fats rice (nasi lemak) to eat... even before that.... i saw Michelle eating sandwich too... and like... OMG?..... 2 half pieces of sandwich and she was done for..... what!?.... she didn't need anymore lunch or side orders... oh my gosh.... do i really need to eat that amount too to get her body?.... aww man....gotta start practicing =P

Anyway, someone looked nice today haha.... and erm... Jia Shen it is definitely not you... so don't perasan... =P...(don't kill me for this) don't ask who it is... I won't tell... haha... and by the way... tomorrow I'll be having my specialist maths Common Test 2 and the chemistry report writing.... oh gosh... both will be in my assessment ... aaaahhhh...... in addition to a scholarship essay which is due tomorrow that I haven't even started on... oh my gosh....

And thankfully... the english 2nd draft was NOT due today.. whoa how tensed up i got =.=... Michelle =.=.....you ar...... made me worry >.<.... and walao.... today i totally forgot about the math homework and Michelle finished all of it... WHAT!?..... damn i suck =.=

Also, today during maths studies class, Jia Shen got psyched for no reason and starting blabbering craps.... and guess what!!!... when the lecturer was teaching on speed = d/t, where d is the distance traveled and t is the time taken.... jia shen started writing these equations....

speed = d/t
e^2 (spd) = d/t (by removing the 2 e from the word speed)
e^2 (sp) = 1/t
e^2 = 1/spt
e = root of (1/spt)
then as we know that e=mc^2
so mc^2 = root of (1/spt)
and I was like... OMG what are you doing?... and he was like I dunno!... and we laughed away =.=

okay anyway... taking this opportunity, I would like to wish all of you good luck for the Tests tomorrow and for the not so distant future tests and assignments....

Social Relavance Task!!

Just came back from the movie..... i watched a movie called The Three Kingdoms.. anyone heard anything about it before?..... anyway.... for those who watched it and understand what i mean.... DAMN YOU FAT GUY!............ you stupid @#&#@$%#$ traitor........ okay enough of that... anyway... guess what... the main enemy of this movie is Maggie Q... haha.... for those who still don't understand who is person is... (like me)... this fella is from the Edison Chen porn thingy.....

But anyway... oh my gosh... English 2nd DRAFT? not touched... and also dunno what to do.... aiyaiyai..... about to start of where i last stopped for my SRT.... which is halfway through.... haih.... i need a life =.=

Edit: Wth.... Brandon just called me and he checked the english assignment dates paper and he told me that Esl 2nd draft is on 24th april....... MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Busy morning...

Gah... woke up near 9.30 am this morning and was like whoa?... my driving instructor was supposed to come at 10 am and i was like SHIT!!!!..... rush rush rush rush rush.... and i finally got up and ready by 10 am.... wait... wait.... wait... wait... wait.... he doesn't come =.=".... 10.30 am and i finally decided i should call him.... and after 3 tries... he called me back and said.. HUH? i thought it was at 11 am... and i was like WHAT!?.......... okay don't bother... =.=

Just came back from a game of badminton....My cousin and I vs my dad and my uncle.... the young vs the old... and the score was.... 22-20 we win, 20-22 we lost, and 21-19 we win... HAHAHA.... okay okay.. but it was fun =D

Now now... after the hectic laughter at the group studying yesterday.... i decided to do my Social Relevance Task thereafter................ well...............well................ I've not completed it yet =.=.... but i DID do half of it yesterday.... then... i heard the worse news ever just at the wrong time... ROHID JUST messaged me like 5 minutes ago saying... tomorrow i'll have to pass up ESL 2nd draft... and i was like WHAT!?!?!?!?!!?? and then i fainted in front of the computer...

Later when i woke up, i realize i am back typing this blog again...and i realize that i have a movie at 5!!!!.... till 7+ i think.. and i am like WHAT?.... okay maybe i should faint again... bye.... *faints*

Group studying...

Aaah just came back from group studying... after dinner of course... and i'm like... SOOoooooo exhausted... why? Before i start explaining.... let me touch on what happened from the start to the end.... after a quick fixing of time for the group studying, we all went and looked forward to it... Felix didn't know the way to Taipan so he fetched me to guide him.... Jia Shen followed us too... Teck Wei's dad fetched him to Taipan... and instead of meeting up in the appointed place (Starbucks) we went to KFC... because they wanted to eat.... so we met Shereena and Cherly there.... we went upstairs and chitchatted away.... cracking up some jokes and the simple plain talking =D....we laughed for a bit and then we moved... everyone went to get their stuffs from the car... and we were supposed to go to Starbucks before that... Felix wanted to top-up his phone credit so we walked to the nearby Maxis to do so... so we grabbed our stuffs and were walking towards Starbucks when the avenue change was informed again... this time - Coffee Bean.... okay so we walked over there and everyone took their seats and VOILA.... everyone started studying FOR REAL..... OMG you should have seen... how serious we all were.... asking questions here and answering those questions there... how serious was everyone O_O!.... then came Wei Ping... who got lost driving around and went to Jalan Gasing instead =.=.... Okay... there was a misconception of everyone i stated earlier that was so heavily into studying... that is Felix.... gosh he took out his spec. math text book and starting READING MATH..... wow =.=..... he was like starring and starring and starring towards the book and he was studying (or maybe not)... =D........then.... study study study study and study were how things were... until i stopped... then someone else stopped... and someone else got carried away... and when Jia Shen looked at what Wei Ping was doing... he saw her heavily absorbed into studying... and was like okay.... and on 2nd look.... Wei Ping was actually playing Teck Wei's handphone game OMG......then... it started..... everyone got mad and jokes flew around in every direction... we were all laughing like mad freaks non stop... no joke and no exaggeration... especially Cherly... she was like laughing until she feel down lying on the chair... and even banged her head on the wall behind her.... =.=..... THEN!!! we looked at Wei Ping... and this time she really was studying... and we were like... "OMG Wei Ping... when we studying you playing game, when we talking you studying..." THEN! we looked over at Felix... and he was STILL starring (as in really starring)(god knows whether he slept with his eyes open =P) at the spec. math textbook and reading... and it was like ... okay.... =.=........ then all hell broke loose... Shereena, Jia Shen, Teck Wei, Cherly and I were literally laughing without time to catch our breaths.... seriously death-defying.... SOOOooooooo much we laughed that we were all so carried away.... and we decided.... okay its time to go home.... so Wei Ping went a separate way and went back home... Cherly drove Shereena home too.... and..............then the next part started....Teck Wei, Jia Shen, Felix and I followed Felix's car... he was driving us home... then a second time all hell broke loose.... we were literally laughing until the whole car shook....seriously non stop laughter... gosh you should've seen.... I personally think anyone who heard us in Coffee Bean or in the car would seriously think we were real mad people....... then one by one we got home.... and here I am now haha.....

oh well.....so much for full time group studying....

Can't get my mind off the CT's

(some off topic stuff) http://www.dotastrategy.com/forum/ftopic11674.html <--- i posted my story =D

Aaaaahhhh the next 3 weeks will be full of assignments, tests, work-loads, and weird group works.... aiyaiyai.... don't mind my earlier post... dunno what happen i suddenly so emo haha... anyways... GROUP STUDY!!!... have not heard anything news about what time it will be yet... but i hope it'll be soon... btw there is a video on my specialist maths lecturer laughing... oh my gosh i tell you... seeing him laugh really makes you laugh as well unwillingly haha....

Btw, mich, i hope you don't mind me copy-ing this... wanna share with many more people about the joke =D... and erm.. omg mich you posted this on you tube!!!??

Some weird feeling

Was just chatting with someone earlier through msn... and something weird happened... i dunno what is it but it feels weird O_o.....it felt like... i dunno how to explain it but something weird or rather... unique... definitely was felt O_o... maybe my air-cond is too cold?.... doesn't sound right...

has anyone felt something similar before? its a really weird feeling =/

maybe i'm falling sick... =/

This shirt would look great on your floor

Haha... "the one"'s shirt today had that verse on... gosh though it took me some time to finally get what it meant... wow lol.... how i wished it was my floor =P (correct me if i got the verse wrong =D)

anyway... today i finally removed my phone cover.... gosh how hard it took ernest to finally persuade me to do so... but yeah... i did it... and talking about ernest... guess what? He has the same birthday as i do!!! AND!! we're using the same phone haha.... best of all.... it is of the same colour too =P but whoa... after removing the cover... my phone looked brand new =D

today also... early morning Teck Wei came into class with a bandage on his right elbow... guess what? He went to see a doctor and his TENDONS were damaged.... How much more wonderful can game addiction be eh?..... but anyway... he kept denying it... though it makes complete sense that it is because of that... maybe he has his reasons O_o...

okay okay... now on to my studies... OMG the next 2 weeks is gonna be really hectic... as in REALLY hectic.... this test that test this assignment that assignment and so on and so forth.... now lets stop complaining and start preparing you say? Hmm.... do i even have a choice?... guess i'll have to do so =/ and i just found out that my moral assignment's 2nd draft and final draft and my chemistry's social relevance task's datelines all fall on the same day!!! next monday.... and the next day i have chemistry report write-up and spec. math CT2... wow-ness..... how much i envy "the one" now... "the one" done the 2nd draft and so many thing jor... haih.... i'm like SOO lacking behind now...

Btw, just found out that my parents bought a movie ticket for me this Sunday... so I'll be out =D So much for studying....

Just a little something i wrote on the game dota about last year

Dota!!! This is a game of full name Defense Of The Ancients so as to you play as one side of the ultimate struggle between the Sentinel and the Scourge. Each team consist of 1-5 players and their objective is to destroy the opponent's "ancient" or so the title of the game says while defending your own "ancient".

Players can pick from a huge range of heroes which up till now totals to be 90 totally different heroes that have different abilities that significantly determine their role in the team. Those with high amounts of health and armor will most probably be the tanks, while those with high physical damage and fast speeds will be the killers and the high damage spellcasters will nuke their way into the opponents deep flesh.

There are a variety of different buffs and debuffs that are very unique. This game map is laid out as 3 lanes with towers and buildings protecting the "ancient". Between these lanes will be the neutral creeps which any team can kill. Also, for the extra thrill, there is a huge creep in the forest waiting for anyone who dare challenge him, ROSHAN. Though he doesn't reward you much when you defeat him, he grants you an item that when worn, you can revive if you die.

Talking about items, each hero has 6 slots for any item he/she may choose. The wide variety of items makes each and every item special. Different heroes suit different items as some of these items increase your stat while some others grant you abilities like the ability to stun your opponent. Items are ranked from 0-4 by their recipe level.
Ranked 0 items consists of those items which take effect as long as you hold them and require nothing more than the gold (the currency in game) and the item slot. Ranked 1-4 items mostly require a set of specific items of lower ranks and the recipe for all those items to combine into one deadly item.

The in-game currency is gold which is gained everytime the player kills a creep, a hero, or a structure. Gold is also gained over time. 1 gold is automatically given to each player every second. There is another important thing in game other than gold and that is your experience points and your level. As the heroes gain experience from any non allied unit that dies in a radius around them, they level up when that experience point reaches a certain amount. This leveling is crucial for the heroes to gain stats, gain skills and therefore become that much stronger. The process of gaining gold and experience in dota-terms is called farming. Heroes who farmed very well and got lots of powerful items and become very strong in game is called fat.

Players have all kind of play styles like 3 heroes from the Sentinel finding a lone hero from the Scourge and start ganging him or the Scourge team sticking together to attack the Sentinel's base. However, the most important thing in game is pushing. Some people might get tonnes of kills but if he doesn't push he'll never win. Pushing in dota-terms means to attack in a lane in attempt to destroy the enemy base. There are certain heroes very well fit for this while others aren't that good. But generally all 90 heroes are fair and equal as in they all have their pros and cons. There are some heroes that dota players call gay. These heroes that they are talking about in dota-terms means a very powerful hero. However, many of these heroes which are very powerful have their requirements before they become powerful. For example, a hero which is very powerful in the late game is only gay when he gets to late game being well fed. Or some heroes are very powerful but require high skills of micro-managing.

This game is also divided into 3 sessions called the early-game, the mid-game and the late-game. The early game is when the players just spawn and start farming and this normally isn't very long. Normally early game is from levels 1-7. The mid-game starts after the early game. This is the part of dota that is VERY crucial to play. Losing this session of the game is a guaranteed loss for your team. It normally ranges from levels 8-15. The late-game comes after mid-game. This point is where some very powerful heroes become VERY deadly while some heroes that were powerful early on start deteriorating. The range is generally levels 16-25.

Thats basically DOTA. If you ever wish to test out this cool game, get your hands on Warcraft III and its expansion pack, Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. Just these and your hands and you're good to go.

Feedbacks are kindly appreciated. Aah~ i finally finished ^.^

Note: By the way, i thought and wrote this by myself, not from any other source other than my very own sea of thoughts

there... how is it?... i wrote this like mid last year i think.... =O...............

Group studying

Aah, to so called release my "anxiety level" for the coming tests.... a group study has been organized this coming Saturday... i really wish that it'll greatly help all of us who are going... this will be what i am banging on, relying on, and hoping on....

So much for the tests and workloads, gaming has not gotten off my feet... though i controlled it a whole lot more recently just to complete my work... for me it is something essential... it sounds stupid for me to say so but lets look at it this way... for me... other than going on with friends and socializing around... this may very well be a useful way to bond with others and have fun at the same time... whenever you feel the pressure of the workload... seriously and honestly... a game or two normally helps... though I'll need to control myself as to not get too absorbed into it... these are just my thoughts... what do you think about it? Actually on 2nd thought, it might not be a good idea =/... bah who cares...

Since i was mentioning about gaming, gosh can you imagine what level some people bring this to? Allow me to give an example, Felix the cat... err i mean Felix from my class actually went to the hospital because he got too engrossed into a game. (Felix please don't kill me for telling this) how much more serious can one get? How about a 6 hour non stop game with your upper body weight crushing on your elbow? Now that sounds something like Teck Wei (okay again please don't kill me) I really hope you guys do fine. Especially Felix... sometimes you make me worry... but anyhow... (to Felix and Teck Wei) please tell me if you want the parts removed... i have no authority nor any grudge against you so please feel free to tell me off... i'll willingly remove it...

Dream are what many pursue... but a life is what i long for..

Gosh i tell you... college life can sometimes be looked at from the bright side but oh man... with tests, assignments, pile-loads of homework and insanely fast teaching speeds... this is starting to get kinda hectic...

Guess what?! My common test 2 for SAM course is starting next Tuesday and i just realized it yesterday!!! How much more wonderful can this be eh? With the datelines of the Moral assignment and chemistry's social relevance task just around the corner, gosh i can imagine how the coming weekend is going to be like...

Got a cbox up and ready

As the title mentioned... i just uploaded a cbox... don't really know how to use it though... mind to give a few advices maybe?

Just starting off!!

okay i've finally decided to start blogging just for the fun of it... and since i'm not that expressive... lets allow this to be a better connector between you and me =D i foresee great instances with this, and hopefully it comes true!